I say this because it is true. I have locked eyes with people who I believe to be truly evil. And I looked into their devil eyes, and I feel ashamed to admit I was deceived. I want to see the best in people, but to some this characteristic is just a way to take advantage. And it was. I have been taken advantage of multiple times. I have been hurt multiple times. And the eyes of my devils haunt me. Although years and miles apart, I still feel the closeness of their pain. I’m still not sure how to work past this. The devil is inherently deceitful and alluring. But what does the touch of the devil make me? Weak? Stupid? I don’t know. And I HATE that I have a part of the devil in my history, in my heart. Will I ever be pure again?
Of course I don’t post this until the season is basically over. Hope you enjoy!
I woke up this morning feeling utterly useless. I’m ashamed to admit how insecure I am in my art and in myself. I’m ashamed to admit the horrible things I say to myself, how I am never happy with the things I make. And this morning as I creep out from under my shell I feel the overwhelming urge to share these things I never dared to utter. So please listen to me, please someone, something take this horrible hate that lives inside of me away. I am so tired of hating myself, I am so tired of never feeling good enough. I just want to be loved. I want to be loved by myself. I want to paint beautiful things, I want to create earth-shattering gorgeousness. And today I feel so extremely far from all of my goals that they appear as small as a star. Will I ever reach my star?