My star

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I woke up this morning feeling utterly useless. I’m ashamed to admit how insecure I am in my art and in myself. I’m ashamed to admit the horrible things I say to myself, how I am never happy with the things I make. And this morning as I creep out from under my shell I feel the overwhelming urge to share these things I never dared to utter. So please listen to me, please someone, something take this horrible hate that lives inside of me away. I am so tired of hating myself, I am so tired of never feeling good enough. I just want to be loved. I want to be loved by myself. I want to paint beautiful things, I want to create earth-shattering gorgeousness. And today I feel so extremely far from all of my goals that they appear as small as a star. Will I ever reach my star?

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2 thoughts on “My star

  1. I see you and your suffering. I’m so sorry you feel this way, and I can relate with much of what you’ve said. Shame, self-loathing and dejection are such powerful feelings and I’m sure you know all too well how much they can take over. I wish there was something I could do or say to soothe the hurt – and I know that anything I or anyone says will fall short, because it’s not enough. But if even a little bit goes some way, then I’m very happy to tell you that you do paint beautiful and gorgeous things, and I am an admirer of your work, as a reflection of what comes from your mind and from within yourself. I love what you are able to bring to life with your creativity, and that is a beautiful quality. I hope that one day you can feel the same admiration and love that I feel when I see your art, and I know that when you do, you will hold on to it and savour it. Until then, I hope you can be as gentle as you can muster for yourself even in your inner-most thoughts. Hang in there!

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